Unfocused Content

Well, that’s it. All of you writer people can stop now, because there is no point. The most influential piece of writing ever has already been written. I thought I should let you know, in case you were still hoping you might write the best piece ever. It’s already been done, and there is no use trying anymore, so you might as well take up another hobby like latch-hook or Flag-Rugby, so as not to waste the rest of your life.

Of course, I’m talking about the piece called “6 to 8 Black Men” from the book Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris. (Pronounced Se-DAR-is by my wife.) If you have not read “6 to 8 Black Men,” stop reading this right now, get in your car, go to the bookstore, and read it. I’ll wait for you. (Oh, and buy the book too, I meant to say that.)

The piece/essay/story (I think essay) discusses the Dutch tradition of St. Nicholas, who is a former pope living in Spain, and who has his own day on December 5^th. (I may have some of the details wrong.) He comes to where Dutch people normally reside on that day by boat, along with his 6 to 8 black friends, then rides a horse to your house and leaves stuff in your clogs, or whips you with a small branch, or pretends to kick you.

I’m not even going to try to do it justice, just believe me, it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever read. I was literally (and I mean literally) shaking the bed with my laughter. I’m not a small man. My 8 ¾ year old was lying in the bed next to me reading Because of Winn Dixie (A Newbery Honor Book) by Kate DiCamillo. She paused to ask me what was so funny. “Whatcha laughing at Daddy?” “This story is so funny sweetie, it’s about St….”

It was then I realized that discussing another country’s mythology might somehow discount the mythology that is currently being pitched as truth in our house. Yes, she’s almost nine, a good year older than I was when I was told that mom and dad did all the work on Christmas Eve, but why burst her joy bubble on purpose? Let her figure it out, you know?

“Nothing sweetie, it’s just a funny book.” Ugh. I like to share. I wanted so badly to tell her what was so funny, to let her read it. But, the joy bubble. I was torn. Luckily, she’s intuitive, knew I didn’t want to go into it, and she was cool with that. Plus she never looked up from her book, because she’s just like her mom.

Kids are spectacular.

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