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I have long been fascinated by the mating rituals of the animal kingdom. Not fascinated enough that I’ve studied it or anything, but I do get a giggle from watching animals do it. I’ve seen my share of dogs and cats going at it, but not until today had I seen penguins, or poison dart frogs, making sweet love. Apparently in January the zoo becomes a bath house where the females dress themselves up in their sleaziest garb, turning the males thoughts from swimming and football to the art of love.

The poison dart frogs were intriguing because the male’s middle toe on both feet were shaking the during the entire ritual. You have to get pretty close and watch pretty intently to see this. Luckily, I was able to spot it. It was over fairly quickly, and the male frog rolled over and fell asleep while the female went off to fix a nice cricket dinner.

I don’t think the penguins were married. When we got to the penguin house, both penguins were in separate little caves. The female came out and made some sort of sexy gesture with her flippers. The male waddled out of his cave to look at her. Then he stumbled over the faux-rocky terrain to the female and followed her into the cave. She laid down on her tubby penguin belly, he laid down on top of her, and for several minutes they bumped uglies. I giggled.

The gorillas were a disappointment in terms of mating, but they were interesting in that we spent a good twenty minutes watching them eat their own throw-up. Two females and one male gorilla would throw up in their hand, or on the ground in front of them, re-eat all of the throw up and then throw it up again. The girls noted that the throw up seemed to be gaining in both volume and liquidity as it mixed with more and more saliva.

I recommend a winter trip to the zoo. Our afternoon was both educational and entertaining. I can’t think of a more natural way to introduce the concept of wanton sex to the girls than by exposing them to a little penguin porn or frog lovin. And, who could ask for a better illustration of the dangers of eating disorders than the gorillas apparent inability to eat anything just once. Freaking animals.

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