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We have a new saying in our house – “it smells like balls in here.” We picked up this jaunty little phrase last night whilst at the dollar movies to see “Nancy Drew.” We’ve been going to the same dollar theater for years and it has always been clean, if not high quality, or populated with folks of similar income levels and dental hygiene.

The nice, quiet, possibly homicidal guy that cleaned the theaters has been there every time we’ve gone and has, over the years, become comforting in his presence, if not in his demeanor. The last two times we’ve gone the nice, quiet, kill-you-with-a-cleaver guy that cleaned the theaters has been missing, and the theaters have been littered with cups and tubs and candy boxes. In a word, it’s become trashy.

It should have come as no surprise to us that the four tween girls that came in to the theater just as the movie was starting would also be trashy. One of them welcomed us into their world by uttering the now popular phrase “it smells like balls in here.” As young as the four girls were, I’d be surprised if they’d ever smelled balls. Still, they said it, my girls heard it, and now it’s a saying that we have – a phrase that we can use if ever we feel the need.

It didn’t stop there, of course. The four tween girls chose to sit in the aisle of the theater. If you can imagine the nastiest, stickiest, dirtiest movie theater in the world and then also imagine sitting on the floor of that theater, then you will get the feeling that I had in my stomach when I saw them sit there. Then the obnoxiousness began – laughing inappropriately, talking loudly and burping even louder. It was gross, and embodied everything that is wrong with the youth of today. After just a few minutes a fellow movie-goer hailed a theater employee who moved the girls into seats. After another twenty minutes of continued obnoxiousness, I went to get the same employee and by the time we’d returned, the tweens had left the building.

This brings up a lot of great questions that might never be answered. Where is the guy that cleans the theaters? He did not have the kind of personality that would cause him to seek other employment. Perhaps he’s part of a movie janitor exchange program, or in jail for the murder of thirty-four people whose bodies were discovered in his basement. Where did these girls learn their manners? Would it have helped if their parents knew of their rude behavior? My wife wanted to wait for their parents and tell them. I was of the opinion that it would not help them parent better, and the retribution might push the girls further down the path of deviant social behavior.

One thing is for sure, the dollar movies are on the short list of places we might not visit anymore. The air-conditioning does not work, the janitor guy is gone, and the locals have transitioned out of the realm of interesting and into the realm of creepy. Plus, and I don’t want to offend anyone, but it did sort of smell like balls in there.

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