Unfocused Content

The eighth amendment to the Global World Constitution guarantees “that all persons on this Earth who are not living in some horridly poor country shall have the right, given by God, to watch television.” But, on February 17, 2009, the government wants to deny us that right. On that day, they shall switch from broadcasting the tried and true, good ‘ol analog signal and begin broadcasting in what has become known as “the devil’s signal” - digital. I don’t pretend to know the difference, all I know is that we’ve had the old signal for several hundred years, and it’s never let us down.

You may not have heard about this. The government is trying to sneak it by us, just like they always do. I guess they expected that we wouldn’t hear about it, and that we’d wake up one morning and not have television. According to this story from NPR, the English government has spent over $400 million dollars telling their people about the conversion. Makes you wonder why our government can’t use some of our money to tell us about this. But, they don’t really have the funds for this kind of campaign because they have wars and stuff to spend our money on, so I am hoping to spread the word. I don’t think we can stop it - it’s too late for that. But, we can do some things to ensure we continue to receive television, as per our agreement with God.

At this point, you have three choices - none of them good.

• Subscribe to cable or satellite service.
• Buy a new digital-ready TV.
• Get a converter box.

I know. If you are like me, you are thinking - wait a second, I already have satellite service. But, for those of you who don’t, you might have to consider it. Or, think about buying a television. But, before you run out and spend that kind of money, let’s talk about the converter box. They go on sale this week at retailers such as Best Buy, and, I’m guessing, every freaking store in the universe. I have no idea how much they are, but it doesn’t matter because I’ve pulled some strings, twisted a few arms, and the government has agreed to subsidize your purchase of a converter box with my tax dollars.

In essence, I’ll buy you the box, so you can continue to watch television - which I think is really really important for your well being. I’m the first guy to complain about the free-spending idiots in Washington, but if it’s going toward upholding our constitutional right to television, then I am all for it.

But, I’ll caution you to not wait this one out. Things move pretty fast, and there is no telling who will be in the White House next year. As the NPR story said, “the only thing harder than getting a TV signal with your old rabbit ears may be finding someone to blame when you can’t.” I think they might be implying that it’s W’s fault, or that we need someone to blame for our problems. There is a whole nother article there, but I’ve got television to watch.

Popularity: 5% [?]